Perhaps we could encourage them to have a ‘spread option’ regarding the waistlines of middle-aged men in the fire industry?

Many of you, I hope, will know that FIA stands for Fire Industry Association but believe it or not, there are some other organisations out there using the same initials! So my mind has turned to how we might involve them in the fire world.

First up is the Fitness Industry Association. How about courses in avoiding the friction burns incurred by the chafing of body parts due to over enthusiastic physical exertion? Possible title – Do You Smoke After Exercise? Or ‘How to Avoid the Exercise Burn!’

Then there’s the Fibreoptic Industry Association – I can see them providing cardboard dispensers (fibre optic – get it?) for the small amounts of water used by water mist systems!

Moving on to the International Federation of Actors or  Fédération Internationale des Acteur. I have to be careful here as there have been some excellent portrayals of fire on the Big Screen. Who can forget Backdraft or Ladder 49? Of course you can’t mention fire and films without thinking of the Towering Inferno, even if Doug Roberts (Paul Newman) does trash most fire protection when he says the following to Jim Duncan (William Holden): “ See, I was crawling around up there. I mean duct holes weren't fire-stopped! Corridors without fire doors in them, sprinklers that won't work, and electrical system that's good for what? I mean it's good for starting fires! “

And then, for you crystal ball gazers, we have the Futures Industry Association. These guys say on their website that their “core constituency is the intermediary, and the primary focus of the Association is exchange-traded derivatives”. Now I’m not sure what this means, but it sounds sort of connected to pork bellies and frozen orange juice. Perhaps we could encourage them to have a ‘spread option’ regarding the waistlines of middle-aged men in the fire industry? Ones thing’s for sure, this option can only increase in size and thereby popularity!

And last but not least, Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile. This, of course, is the governing body for motor sport and I’m sure they could benefit from ‘blues and twos’ on some of their vehicles. You’d get one blast for ‘move over I’m coming through’, two blasts for ‘I’m about to drive you off the road’ and three blasts for ‘your car’s on fire and we’re trying to get you to stop so that we can put out the blaze’.