24.3.10

Do we all take ourselves too seriously? I ask as recently I heard myself banging on at a seminar about the benefits of properly designed, installed and maintained fire protection systems. And as I continued the listeners were beginning to visibly wilt and glaze over as I pontificated on something that I found important and interesting. In the big scheme of things it was not as obviously fascinating to them as it was to me.

I wonder whether in future, when I get invited to speak or participate in an ‘expert panel’, I should try and mentally visualise the guy we all know as ‘the boring old fart’! I must fight against becoming one of these or if that’s not possible, throw in the towel now before many more people discern my decline (alright, some say I’m already there) towards that end.

I’m also intending to hand out score cards so that the audience can hold up marks for ‘Technical Merit’ and ‘Presentation’ with ‘6’ being the top grade. If I drop below 4 on TM then it’s time to walk away, and if P falls lower than 5 then it’s obviously time to get the hair and eyebrows trimmed again.

And of course if I hand out score cards then I expect to receive something similar about other speakers – perhaps the ability to vote them off as the weakest link? Picture the scene:

Anne Robinson: “So Graham what do you do?” 
Me: “Well Anne, I’m with the Fire Industry Association and we are…” 
Anne Robinson interrupts: “Well Graham, if I were you I’d ‘fire’ your hairdresser having seen your haircut, but tell me who’s the weakest link and why?”
Me  “It’s [name withheld]) because their comments to all and sundry have been the same at the last 85 events that I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ to attend, and I can’t stand it anymore and more importantly neither can anybody else, and it’s getting us all a bad name.”

Anne R. then cuts to the other speakers.  In answer to her most famous question they, to a man and woman, vote for me as the weakest link citing my eyebrows, poor haircut and general ability to induce a comatose reaction from the audience.

Anne then returns to me and utters the iconic phrase “Graham you are the weakest link Goodbye”.

So there we have the verdict. But delivering the same message over and over again can be successful as, of course, there may always be some people out there that have not heard it!

Weakest link I may be but having recently had the eyebrows trimmed and hair cut at least I don’t look like an old fart, do I?