If a bloke with a large brass neck comes in to try and bring back a shirt, refer him to the queue that resembles the one in our local post office on a Saturday morning

In general, the ‘arms length’ companies formed to date are using the brand of their associated service – surely this is using taxpayers’ money to subsidise the trading company?

“But what if they’re working on the Enterprise and James T Kirk asks them to boldly go and sort out the warp drive’s fire detection system?"

There have been some excellent portrayals of fire on the Big Screen. Who can forget ‘Backdraft’ or ‘Ladder 49’?

Does this scenario bring anything to mind - the whir, whir, whir of helicopter blades as planes fly in formation above? ‘Apocalypse Now’ or ‘The Deer Hunter’ I hear you say! Graham Ellicott of the Fire Industry Association talks about the Blades Aerobatics team.

In the dream, I am a fly-on-the-wall of the office of the Secretary of State at the Communities and Local Government Affairs department...

A visit to the beach means possibly being rescued by the local firemen - the Sapeur Pompiers...

"We do not come out and engage as early as possible in national and international debates in which fire has an important part to play"...

I was amused to find that officers’ witness statements referred to the defendant as “an elderly and dishevelled man I now know to be Mr X.”

I usually work on the principle that an enforcement notice from Scotland or certain shire counties of England warrants a gill of the amber nectar, while a bottle only lasts for four enforcement notices from the enforcing authority of a capital city...

After two days' hard graft at Fire and Rescue 2010, I was looking forward to a good night's sleep in my Harrogate hotel room...writes James Blue of organiser UBM Live.

If there was to be some unmitigated global disaster on some catastrophic blockbuster-style scale tomorrow – where would you pitch up? If you've got any sense, you'll head to Harrogate International Centre says Amy Rowe

I just had to show people my first blog. My daughter read it avidly….until line 4, when she reached her boredom threshold, suggesting that, instead, I show it to her boyfriend...

It is deeply disappointing that the concepts of ‘responsible’ and ‘competent’ persons under the Fire Safety Order appear not to be understood in CLG premises. Read Graham Ellicott's latest blog.

In beginning my first ever blog (and, when the editor reads the copy, probably my last), I am reminded of a fire consultant, an ex fire officer...

Do we all take ourselves too seriously? I ask as recently I heard myself banging on at a seminar about the benefits of properly designed, installed and maintained fire protection systems...Graham Ellicott, chief executive of the Fire Industry Association, writes...

It's been a strange couple of weeks with regard to working with other fire related bodies, says our Flaming innuendo blogger, Graham Ellicott...